Many of us are nervous hosts. There are a lot of details to consider when bringing people together for a celebration, a dinner, or “just because” you want to spend time with others. Yet, I think most of our nerves could be settled with one simple truth:

Just because you are the host does not mean you need to be the star.

As a host, you are receiving friends and family and inviting them into your world. Of course, it makes sense that we feel like we need to be the most talkative, the best dressed and the most entertaining person in the room. But good hospitality is about being a connector—bringing people together who are hungry for real connection. This is my favorite role as a host.

A True Story of a Woman Who Brings People Together

My mother hosts a Christmas tea for all of her friends and is a great example of being a connector. Some of these are women she has known for forty-years, others are moms she met from my school days. She will even invite women like her hairdresser who she knows needs some community.

During one party, a woman commented and said, “Thank goodness Kate hosts this party every year. We would never get together if it wasn’t for her.” And that is exactly it! My mom is a star just because she shines in social settings, but she creates experiences that make everyone else feel important, loved, and special. She loves connecting other women together. The party is less about her and more about women just having a reason to be together.

So, as an adult, I have tried to adopt her hosting style. Inviting others into our home allows me the opportunity to find connection points between my friends and get them talking. Bridging different friend groups is a delight. Helping two women find things in common is a win. Seeing women exchange numbers and get together outside of my influence is a joy.

Jesus Brings People Together

And of course, Jesus is our ultimate host! Through his death and resurrection, Jesus opened the door wide for all to experience salvation and become a member of the family of God. No longer did it matter what your status was with the Jewish leaders (the stars of the religious centers in Israel), all that mattered was that you had a personal invite from Jesus into his community:

“So in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise.” Galatians 3:26-29

No matter what your job, ethnicity, socio economic status, school you attended, etc. you were invited to connect with other believers. The Jewish leaders, who attempted to be the star of the show, were often motivated by power and jealousy—and we all know what kind of party hosts those can be.

Be a Connector

brings people together

In the same way, we don’t need to be the host who is the shiniest in the room. Becoming a women who brings people together is as simple as extending the invite and making the introductions. Phew! Hopefully that relieves some of the stress. No one host can possibly look fabulous like Heidi Klum, cook like Rachel Ray, entertain like Amy Schumer, and style her home like Joanna Gaines. And no one is really asking you to. Swing that door wide open! Invite women who are eager to bond and trust that all the other details will fall into place as you bring people together.

Tip: Just because you aren’t the star doesn’t mean you are off the hook from doing your duty as host. There are still intentional details to consider, food or activities that need to be managed, and of course someone to help guide the guests from one thing to the next.