IT WAS A NORMAL MOVIE NIGHT UNTIL I LOST CONTROL.

I am no a stranger to hosting large groups. But this last week, I was hosting some preschool friends when my control tied me to an agenda instead of organic connection.

It was towards the end of the party when of course, kids tend to get rowdy. Honestly, I am pretty chill. I have seen it all and am no stranger to kid messes and chaos. It wasn’t the actual people themselves but the fact that the party took on a life of its own outside of what I had planned.

I’ve always enjoyed control, which lends itself well to a Type-A planner. I use my weaknesses as a super power, too. I can wield my control to curate events that have all the details planned out to a tee. But I also struggle when things organically take a turn. Even when it’s for the better.

It’s hard for me to adjust to change. It makes me inflexible in my friendships. When I feel that out of control feeling, I isolate myself from the party and my anxiety grows.

Later, in prayer, I chatted with God about how I struggle to “go with the flow.” Everything was fine. I was fine. People were more than fine and having a good time. What wasn’t fine was having all my guests watch me fall apart. I asked God to work on me and my ability to take pivots in authentic friend moments outside of my control. To trust Him more in these social situations.

We all have our thing but how are we growing in it? Are we able to recognize the moments in our friendships where we turn inward and spiral down?

THE FIRST STEP IS TO IDENTIFY “THOSE” MOMENTS AND CREATE AWARENESS.

If you don’t even see the areas of weakness you may have in your friendships, it will be impossible to surrender them to the Lord. One thing that has helped me is to take note of some of the moments in my friendships that I begin to feel anxious. When a friend runs late to a dinner, or a large group struggles to make a decision…I often focus less on being present with friends and more on worrying about the schedule. When do you shut down in conversation? What happened right before that…those could be the things you want to lean into and ask God to help you clarify areas of growth.

THEN, TO MAKE A PLAN OF WHAT TO DO WHEN IT HAPPENS AGAIN.

I have grown in awareness and now it’s time for me to create a new response pattern. For example, I can start a breath prayer to remind myself that God will sustain me through any schedule change. I can also logistically, block an extra hour at the end of my events for those who want to stay later. People staying beyond the party event time is a trigger for me. If I plan it in on my side, then I’ll be prepared to go longer than expected.

–I know I probably sound crazy but just trying to be honest. Having control and wanting things to go your way is a real inhibition to genuine connection. I am so focused on the agenda, I forget to let people be people. I’m working on it.

And I hope my story helps you think through some of your friendship weaknesses.