It’s easy to make acquaintances, it’s harder to make quality friends. We bounce from friend group to friend group looking for the people we can bestow the coveted title “besties” to. We are on the search not just for some women we can occasionally meet for happy hour, but for some quality girlfriends that we can share every part of our lives with.

But where are they?

Finding deep friendships is hard not because the women aren’t out there, but because we may not have the right filters on in our search. Yep, that’s right, friendship is about identifying what makes a good friend and then pouring in our time to get to know those people. It sounds so “business formal” but, it’s the work of defining characteristics of a great friend that causes your friendships to feel more “comfy casual.”

Identifying A Good Friend

Does she serve others—without expecting anything in return?

Greater Love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. {John 15:13}

Does your conversation leave you both refreshed?

…a sweet friendship refreshes the soul. {Proverbs 27:9}

Does she stand by you during the good, the bad and the mundane parts of life?

 A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.{Proverbs 18:24}

Do you trust her to give good advice?

 Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed. {Proverbs 15:22}

Does she sharpen your faith?

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. {Proverbs 27:17}

Does she use her words to lift others up?

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. {Ephesians 4:29}

Does she respect herself and others?

Do to others as they would have them do to you. {Luke 6:31}

Does she see her friends as a gift, not something to treat carelessly?

Behold, how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell together in unity! {Proverbs 17:17}

Does she walk with humility?

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. {Philippians 2:3-4}

Does she love secure in Christ’s love?

We love because he first loved us. { 1 John 4:19}

Make it a priority to evaluate what a healthy, life-giving friendship may look like for you. As your friend filter becomes clearer, it will be easier to recognize potential friends. Then pursue those women like crazy and a few just may become the type of friends you can call “besties.”

community, rooted

Want more resources on finding the right friendship filter for you:

👉🏽 “Six qualities a great friend practices”

👉🏽 “Creating friendship habits for every season”