Community Life

How to Be Forward in Your Friendships

I told her, “I’m all in.” The music was loud and I wasn’t sure she heard me so I said it again, “I really want this to be a lasting, real friendship. I want to hold each other accountable. Meet regularly. I want to come to a place where we can text each other about our embarrassing moments and irrational fears. I want to talk about Scripture with you. Ya know, I want to get to a point where we would call one another best friends.”

That time she heard me.

There seems to be a moment in female friendships when we are ready for the next step. You are ready to DTF (determine the friendship) but you aren’t sure where to start.

When I first moved to Denver, I had a myriad of acquaintances that I saw at the Seminary or at church. I had a few coffee dates here and there but still didn’t have many dependable friendships. I wanted a sister-in-Christ who would come to be the mac to my cheese, the peanut butter to my jelly…you get the idea. I wanted a friend that “sticks closer than a brother” (Prov. 18:24).

So, I sought out new potential friends, continued the relationships that were reciprocated, and overtime found a few women that I could pursue as life-long companions.

But how was I going to let them in on the secret that I had just decided we were going to be besties?

As a new friend and I were sitting at a downtown bar in Denver, I knew it was time to be forward about my intentions for a deeper friendship. So, I finally got the courage and asked her. I told her the reasons why I admired her as a friend and asked her if she would be willing to commit to pouring into this friendship. And she said yes!

Now, I haven’t done this thirty times or even three. But, there have been moments when I felt the Lord leading me to be forward with a friend when we both were craving connection.  There are probably one or two women you enjoy spending time with so, now I encourage you to be forward, get to the real richness of friendships, by letting them know you are committed to being a dependable and grace-filled friend to them.

Don’t be afraid to “go all in” with a sister-friend!

Share on
Previous Post Next Post

Related Posts:


  • Reply Nancy E. head

    So many women need this kind of companionship but don’t want to let their own needs show. Great post because the message is crucial. If we are to have friends, scripture says, we have to be friendly. And part of being friendly is being vulnerable enough to say, “Here’s my need–you.” Great post!

    Wednesday, February 7, 2018 at 3:48pm
  • Reply Edna Davidsen

    Hi Bailey

    What a great picture you’ve put at the beginning of this blog post.

    I’m smiling just by seeing these happy women.

    Those ideas about how to meet and be committed that you mention at the beginning of the blog post are gold.

    While reading your excellent post, especially the part where you wrote about your experience moving to Denver, it crossed my mind how difficult it is for many to create new friendships after they’ve passed a certain age.

    You brought me a new perspective by asking:

    How am I going to tell the other person I like to be a best friend?

    I’d not thought about it before; but when I do, I can see why this can be problematic.

    We do not just walk up to another person and open up on this topic, right?

    What we in the Christian community can learn from this particular blog post is how powerful it can be just to go out there and ask.

    Often we have these negative ideas how wrong it can go, but your blog post is an example of what will happen most of the time:

    People will say; yes, sure!

    Glad to know you in the blogging community.

    You are a reliable source of inspiration and commitment, thank you.

    On my way to share on Twitter.

    Edna Davidsen

    Wednesday, February 7, 2018 at 11:50am
  • Reply Liz

    Wow! This makes me wish we lived in the same area. I am so that friend – I have found it difficult to find those friends. People’s 10 when it comes to intamacy and friendship tends to be my 2. It makes me appreciate the blessings of friends who want to know me and do life together.

    Wednesday, February 7, 2018 at 10:50am
    • Reply Bailey


      I wish we lived in the same place too 🙂 I pray God brings along a friend or to that you feel comfortable enough with to say,”Hey, I want to go deeper.” Thanks for sharing

      Wednesday, February 7, 2018 at 10:56am

    Leave a Reply

    This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.